Author: Evan Allgood and Dahlia Ramirez

Evan Allgood has written for The New Yorker, The Believer, McSweeney's, Vulture, Paste, The Millions, and others. He lives in Brooklyn with his rescue dog, Petey. Follow and maybe later unfollow him on Twitter @evoooooooooooo. Dahlia Gallin Ramirez is a cartoonist from San Francisco. She has contributed pieces to The New Yorker and McSweeney's, and is currently working on a revolting book about animal courtship (coming Spring of 2022). Come say hi to her on Instagram (@dollyonpaper.)