Missions That Are Actually Impossible

  • Locating Shelly Miscavige
  • Reaching “clear” status and unlocking suppressed supernatural abilities 
  • Escaping SeaOrg
  • Acclimating to the private investigator digging through your trash
  • Getting your stubborn co-worker to join in on a free e-meter session
  • Using Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health to cure depression
  • Understanding the fundamental beliefs of your religion by parsing through assorted writings and recordings of L. Ron Hubbard hidden behind endless paywalls 
  • Realizing the years of E-meter auditing, financial contributions, and practices such as “disconnection” have brainwashed you into total compliance
  • Telling Tom Cruise “no”

~Julien Perez

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