Writers, artists, and big-dollar venture capital firms performing due diligence —
Thank you for clicking on our submissions page! If you did not mean to click on our submissions page, we are very sorry that our website did this to you. This page is boring, and not fun to read. We recommend that you return to the fun part of the website immediately.
Still here? Well, that means you’re either interested in publishing your work on 251, or you’re a dreamy, hot-headed bad boy who doesn’t listen to instructions. Either way, glad to have you.
What to Submit:
251 is looking for short, evergreen [i.e., non-timely, not necessarily topical] humor pieces that are 251 words or less. This includes (but is certainly not limited to):
There are very few pieces we’ll reject on structure alone, though we do tend to shy away from the following few things:
This is not to disparage satirical news, non-fiction, topical humor, lengthy writing, or dangerous political manifestos — all have their place, but that place is unfortunately not here.
Depending on the volume of submissions, we might get back to you within a day, a week, or a month. We do our best to respond to every submission we receive, so if you don’t hear back within a month, we encourage you to send us your piece again, along with a suitably angry message telling us that you sent us this piece before and that we are incompetent.
As a final note, please do not send us pieces that you have published elsewhere, and only send us one at a time. As soon as you hear back from us, you’re welcome to submit something new! (That is, of course, unless we rejected your piece because it was an obvious phishing attempt; we’ve been burned before.)
Tips for Submitting:
Before you submit to 251, read the site thoroughly! That’s not to say that you shouldn’t try new things, but it may help you to understand our enormously subjective tastes and numerous flaws, both as editors and as human beings.
OBVIOUSLY DON’T submit things that are racist/misogynistic/homophobic/transphobic, or that otherwise denigrate people based on fundamental and immutable aspects of their personhood. We won’t publish them.
Make sure that your piece has jokes in it! You’d be surprised how often this is forgotten.
Any piece that so much as mentions Roberto Begnini’s win for Best Actor at the 1999 Academy Awards will be immediately printed out, shredded, and thrown in the trash. We will not respond to your email, you will be blacklisted from the site, and we will make every possible effort to ruin your personal and professional life. Go ahead, test us. We dare you.
How to Submit:
All submissions should be directed to firstname.lastname@example.org. Feel free to attach your piece as a .pdf, or paste it directly into the email. Do not send us a .exe, .iso, or .app, because we, the editors, are young and tech-savvy and we know that those are malware. On that same note, do not mail us packages, because we know that those are bombs.
In the body of the email, include your name, email, and Twitter handle (if applicable). If we accept your piece, we will also ask you for a 50-word bio.
If you have any questions, concerns, compliments, or Silicon Valley-sized buyout offers, never hesitate to reach out to us at Publisher@americanbystander.org.