— Nerdy Gaslighting —

Roll 1d10 and consult this table:

  1. Show up to a group hang with a bag of dice. Gaslight your friends into thinking they asked you to play.
  2. Conspire with another friend to invite them to an orgy. Pretending to be an elf will seem more appealing by comparison.
  3. Cause a gas leak in their homes so they have to stay with you. Unfortunately, you’ll have to share a bed and your chronic sleep terrors will keep them up all night. The terrors are only quelled by the sweet sounds of rolling dice.
  4. Cast them in Stranger Things.
  5. Become a high-profile serial killer. Create a cipher that can only be cracked using esoteric D&D knowledge. Note: this option is most viable if your friends are homicide detectives.
  6. Start a cult whose world-ending gods can only be placated by playing D&D.
  7. Secretly purchase hundreds of dollars of dice, books, and miniatures using their credit cards. Ensure the purchases are nonrefundable and they’ll feel compelled to use them.
  8. Disguised as the grim reaper, convince them they must save their souls by beating you in a D&D game. Little do they know, everyone wins in D&D, so they’ll be forced to play forever.
  9. Just ask them! The worst they can do is say “no.”
  10. Invite your friends on a boat journey. “Accidentally” steer into a typhoon. Become stranded on a desert island for six months with nothing to occupy your time but the conveniently packed multicolored dice.
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