Zoe Appelbaum

  1. When we asked you for your name, you said “not much, you?” and then vomited
  2. You brought a knife to lazer tag.
  3. We get it, you’re an orphan.
  4. At every party, you insist on “pouring one out for Epstein.”
  5. You are majoring in Lunch.
  6. Your poetry is so bad.
  7. Your autobiography, “I Am The Worst: Reasons Why I Should Not be in a Sorority” was
    pretty good.