Robert Criss

My father died in a car accident and it was all my fault for changing his radio presets. Manually tuning the radio while driving is very unsafe. I know, I know. I sound crazy. Everyone tells me it’s a natural reaction to tragedy. But if that weren’t enough, I also watered the roadway with a gardening hose to create black ice the day before.

Adolf Hitler

Charlie Chaplin 

Michael Jordan in a Hanes commercial from 2007

Bruno Ganz when he played Hitler in a film

Sir Anthony Hopkins when he played Hitler in a different film

Sir Ian McKellan when he played Hitler in a straight to DVD Hitler movie

Sir Alec Guinness when he played a Sir Alec Guinness-looking Hitler in his very own Hitler movie

David Bamber when he played a David Bamber-looking but also Hitler-passing Hitler in his also unique Hitler movie

Whomever Hitler kissed on the lips after drinking a glass of milk

Mr. Potato Head toys owned by deranged children 

Me for a second when I was shaving my beard square by square