Owen Ryan

  1. Call the police.
  2. If you cannot remember the police’s phone number, call Dale.
  3. If Dale does not pick up the first time, he is probably with Anthony. Call Anthony and ask for Dale.
  4. If Anthony does not pick up right away, continue calling until he does. Meanwhile, someone else should get out the Random Number Generator (RNG) from the Office Emergency Preparedness Pack (OEPP) and begin using it to determine the police’s phone number.
  5. If the RNG and Anthony are taking too long, look in your OEPP for a map to the building’s wise man. To guarantee safety, corporate has equipped every branch with a wise man rumored to know the secrets of the police’s phone number.
  6. Follow the map to the wise man’s yurt in the parking lot. When approaching, keep your gaze lowered out of respect. He will be silent for a time, but if you sit with him and allow your mind to be quieted, he will eventually lift your head to look in your eyes and impart the ancient wisdom unto you. According to legend, your soul will then be awash in a river of despair, a river that you can only escape by pledging to live like the wise man and protect this ancient wisdom. But be warned: it is a binding oath. This knowledge has stayed secret for centuries, and you must completely dedicate yourself to keeping that tradition alive. Your life is forever changed.
  7. If the wise man is on break, call Dale again.
  • Well, there’s… hm. I mean, the main guy is good, I think? Or he might actually be bad. Yeah, now that I think about it he was bad. So not him.
  • Um, I think I remember that guy’s boss was sort of doing things that were, I think, sort of maybe like politics today? So I like to read about him because it is interesting in comparison to, uh, I guess today’s politics? Does that make sense? 
  • I can’t get the words “street urchin” out of my head. There’s one of those in the book, right? Yeah, I’m pretty sure there is. I like him. He’s… he’s a very honest character. He says some things I still think about. But, um, I can’t say them now, of course, because… because I’d get too emotional. 
  • I remember thinking the chick was hot.
  • Oh! I remember someone named O’Brien! Yeah, there’s definitely an O’Brien. Was he the boss? Or was he the math teacher that writes 2+2=5? I don’t know, who cares? The point is I remembered him! Make sure you write that I remembered O’Brien. 
  • You know, uh, I actually thought it was really cool that George Orwell kind of, I think, made himself a character. Didn’t he? Yeah, okay, I guess to answer your question, George Orwell is my favorite character. He’s gotta be my favorite because he’s the only character that wrote 1984, my favorite book. Off the record: that sounded smart, right? Alright, no more questions.