Luís Leal Miranda, Author at Two Fifty One

FROM: Human Resources

TO: Mr. Penguin

SUBJECT: Casual friday

Dear Mr. Penguin,

We are once again asking you to follow the company dress code on the last day of the week. Casual Fridays are mandatory. But even after several warnings, you continue to dress formal for the whole workweek – and even on holidays, as your most recent postcards seem to suggest.

If you don’t choose something informal to wear next Friday, we have no choice but to give you the opportunity to start a new job search.

We are looking forward to see some changes in attire next week. A denim shirt, maybe?

FROM: Human Resources

TO: Mr. Penguin

RE: Casual friday

Dear people at Human Resources,

I’m always naked.

Luís Leal Miranda

I was living for a month in that house when I received the first envelope. It was a regular white paper envelope, with a peculiarity: his name was Martin. How do I know this? Because the name “Martin” was written on the front. I found it odd – my name is also Martin– but dismissed it. I put the envelope named Martin in a drawer and went on with my life. But these strange visitors kept arriving: every month, near the end of the month, another envelope called Martin appeared under the door. I gathered them all in the same drawer, not knowing what to do with them. Why were there so many envelopes named Martin? Someone must be too lazy to name envelopes. There are so many cool names to choose from — why Martin? I was later thrown out of the house of the mysterious envelopes because the landlord says I never paid the rent. The mystery remains unsolved.

Luís Leal Miranda

– Long buns! Who wants long buns? Come and try my lukewarm long buns!

– Hello. I see you’re selling long buns. But how long?

– Quite long.

– The size of a baguette?

– Smaller than a baguette.

– The size of a bread roll?

– Bigger than a bread roll. Wanna try one? My long buns are delicious.

– Yes, I’m interested.

– I made a cut along the side so you can enjoy it better.

– That means I can open it and close it as much as I want?

– Precisely.

– Is there any other use for this slot?

– Nothing ever occurred to me.

– It seems to have the perfect size to fit a raw carrot.

– Or even two halves of a raw carrot.

– Maybe a sixth of half a dozen carrots could also fit in here. Am I right?

– Yes, you’re right. Do you want one? A long bun for the road?

– No thanks, I’m full.

– Oh…

– I just ate a big plate of minced pork, with a side of cleaned pork intestines.

– That’s the most efficient way to use the leftovers.

– It’s the best!

Luís Leal Miranda

I’m going to build a time machine to go back in time and slap the guy who, many years ago, came out of a time machine and slapped me.

Luís Leal Miranda

— Luís Leal Miranda —