Fall asleep anywhere, anytime, in any position
Not feel guilty if I don’t brush my teeth daily
Be able to hold my pee for 8 hours
Pull off a snazzy puppy-cut while middle-aged
Feel ok about having hairy legs
Still get excited over the small things that squeak
Get away with shooting a dirty look and having the person think it’s cute
Not feel obligated to feign interest in rowdy youngsters and snap if they jump up on me
Be satisfied with eating the same thing every day
Convince someone to prepare all my meals and serve them to me
Not feel bad about eating food that fell on the floor
Make someone carry me up the stairs when I don’t feel like walking up
Be able to poop while out of the house
Not bring my shit home with me
Show my interest in someone by walking over to them and sniffing their ass