All the Ways I Want to Be More Like My Shih Tzu

Fall asleep anywhere, anytime, in any position

Not feel guilty if I don’t brush my teeth daily

Be able to hold my pee for 8 hours

Pull off a snazzy puppy-cut while middle-aged

Feel ok about having hairy legs

Still get excited over the small things that squeak

Get away with shooting a dirty look and having the person think it’s cute

Not feel obligated to feign interest in rowdy youngsters and snap if they jump up on me

Be satisfied with eating the same thing every day

Convince someone to prepare all my meals and serve them to me

Not feel bad about eating food that fell on the floor

Make someone carry me up the stairs when I don’t feel like walking up

Be able to poop while out of the house

Not bring my shit home with me

Show my interest in someone by walking over to them and sniffing their ass

~Viktoria Shulevich

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