The Most Attractive Feature of Each of My Past Boyfriends

Larry: His topical references to shows that have been off the air for nine years.

Rick: Slight resemblance to Animal from The Muppets.

Carl: Would do anything for a couple olives.

Amar: Owned a really great 3-bedroom apartment in The Sims.

Marco: Eye.

Alex: Could still pull off a sick 360 Varial McTwist in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4.

Hashim: Fake Jean Valjean accent.

Ben: Could accurately place Bolivia on a map.

Eugene: Vaccination status.

Casey: Totally open for some casual blackmail.

Austin: How brave he was to go around looking like that.

~Rusty Epstein

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