Elphaba’s Dad from Wicked Responds to Her Letter

Hey Elph, 

I’m sorry there’s confusion over the roommate situation at your school. But, did you mean to end your letter with “my roommate is blonde”? Because your letter had quite an abrupt ending, as if you didn’t even finish writing it. Is that your only problem with your roommate? I don’t mean to bring this up again but, honey, you have green skin. I don’t think Kermit is in a position to pick on Miss Piggy, if you catch my drift. 

Listen, Elphaba, I know you think I’m ashamed of you because of the way you look, but it’s time I told you something. 

I’m not ashamed of you because you’re green. 

I’m ashamed of you because you’re not my real daughter, and every time I look into your little cabbage face all I can see is the traveling liquor salesman who fucked your mother. 

I know what you’re thinking, how could I know about that? I was offstage! But I was watching, my little arugula. I saw it all from the wings. 

That man killed my wife and ruined my life and you will always remind me of him. 

That being said, I still wish you the best, and I hope you do get to meet that wizard guy. I hope he doesn’t disappoint you the way that traveling liquor salesman disappointed your mother.

Please continue to care for Nessa, as she is my real daughter. 


Your dear father

~Allison Ristaino

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