Things To Avoid Saying At The Container Store

Wow! This is way cheaper than the stuff they were showing us at the funeral home!

Is this shoe rack strong enough to hold twenty-four pistols?

Do you carry anything scream-proof?

Do you carry closet systems with discreet surveillance capability?

My crew is interested in obtaining a large container, about four bodies deep, give or take.

Do you have anything that will hold a bioweapon without leaking?

I’m trying to tastefully display my fossilized feces collection. What can you recommend?

Do you have containers suitable for hiding Top Secret government documents?

If my property escapes, can I get a refund?

~John Howard Matthews

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