BREAKING: Gwyneth Paltrow’s Ski Case Primer

It’s a classic He Says/She Says. Terry Sanderson, a retired optometrist, says the Oscar-winning actress didn’t see where she was going and skied into him. Paltrow claims it was Sanderson who hit her. Each accuse the other of being uphill, skiing downhill––but one of them is acting.

Everyone has weird names, is very photogenic, and is strange. (Sanderson’s daughter testified that he used to drive while reading books.). Sanderson is suing for $300K. Paltrow is asking for $1.

Two points to keep in mind:

1) It is very easy to ski into someone else. After hitting the Bunny Hill at Moosic Mountain in Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania over the weekend, I realized this is a sport you have to assume you are going to ski into someone or get plowed into every time you take to the slopes. I understand the optometrist’s injuries were serious, but he took those risks when he went skiing as every person does.

2) In the OJ case what worked was a catch-phrase. “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit.” That’s what Gwyneth needs. Everyone, especially jurors, love that. So just spit-balling here, what rhymes with acquit? I think you’ll agree we’re close:




Holy Sh*t

Brad Pitt




Joyce DeWitte


DISCLAIMER: I am not a lawyer, nor do I ski. I have not seen any of Gwyneth Paltrow’s movies, not even parts of The Avengers.

~Bob Eckstein

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