A No-Stress Valentine’s Day, Spent Alone

Sure, I’m single. But who wants to deal with the stress of a Valentine’s Day date, anyway? No thanks. Give me a good book, some hot tea, a little light jazz on the radio, a comfy couch, my cat curled up on my lap, a few chamomile candles, a bad rom-com on Netflix, a foot jacuzzi, a neck pillow, a warming lumbar supporter, a little soft rock on a second radio, one of those machines that makes ocean noises, a sweater, a pair of those sunglasses old people wear that block light on the sides as well as the front, this forehead stimulator I saw on Amazon, an air horn, vibrating slippers, another cat perched on my shoulder, an artificial waterfall, a metronome, a stack of challenging crossword puzzles, laundry, a bathrobe to wear over my sweater, some heavy curtains, three more cats on my chest, a little death metal on my phone, a white noise machine, a device that came to me in a dream designed to rapidly flip all the lights in your home on and off, earplugs, a sleep mask, four TVs on different channels, headphones, another cat on top of my head, a series of prime numbers to repeat and sudoku any day!

~Pat Cassels

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