KITCHENAID
Jeff the Furious Whisk
FEDEX
Droppy the FedEx T-Rex
FOLGERS
Clunk the Filthy Mug
TESLA
A sociopathic battery named Spark Jarvis
CHARMIN
Sludge, that bear they keep in the attic
PRINGLES
Mr. Pringles’ younger brother Matt
SMUCKERS
Dr. Sticky, a confused jar of jam that’s been living in the back of your fridge for an unjustifiably long time
COLGATE
Queen Veneer: Officious bicuspid
SOUTHWEST AIRLINES
A nameless badger who hides in luggage
IMPOSSIBLE MEAT
Patty, a hamburger with Imposter Syndrome
WALGREENS
Jabby the Jumpy Syringe