Let Me Drill a Hole in Your Head

Oh, hey, it’s late so I didn’t think you’d come over!

Ok, Mr. Impatient, I’ll get to the point.

You should let me drill a hole in your head.

WAIT! Let me explain. 

I bought this new drill, a Dewalt 20V. It’s clean, sterile, perfect for trepanning. I’ve been practicing on these watermelons – just like Gallagher! 

Now, check out these watermelons. Yes, there ARE a lot, thank you! I’ve been practicing all night. Careful, the floor is sticky.

This was my first test melon. Yep, those are some seriously big chunks taken out of it. My drill control was still a little wonky. Honestly, I’m not much of a tool guy. 

But this is my latest attempt. See how smooth and precise those holes are? I’ve really improved! 

So I’m ready to drill a hole in your head now. A little hole, very tiny – but even a small hole relieves the pressure inside your skull. I know you’re stressed, what with losing your job and your wife leaving you and your dog dying. I’ve noticed you hitting the bottle more than usual. Doug suggested an intervention but I’d much rather put a hole in your noggin. 

Ready? I sure am! Just sit on this folding chair, I’ll go find the drill, and we’ll get this show on the road. 

Don’t bother trying the door, it’s locked. 

Someone’s waiting for you? We both know that isn’t true. 

Besides, this’ll just take a second. Have some watermelon.

~Aaron Winslow

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