My Review of the Neuralink Brain Enhancement Device

I don’t ever post reviews on Amazon, but since I had Elon Musk’s Neuralink Ultra High Bandwidth Brain Machine implanted in my frontal lobe, I’ve felt uncontrollably compelled to share this five-star rating. My genius brain won’t stop thinking about it!

Simply put, I have never felt such affection for another product, animal, or human. 

Before I got Neuralinked my wife asked, “What if you want it taken out?” At the time I thought she had a point. But once my brain was Neuralinked, I realized she was a stupid, anti-progress, loser, pedophile. 

Remove Neuralink?! The mere thought radiates down my left leg like a tattoo removal laser. I will never remove Neuralink (even typing “remove Neuralink” burns!). 

They said Musk couldn’t take over the space program, but he did. They said he couldn’t make electric cars popular, but he did. Now that I have the power of Tesla and Space-X powering my brain, I am the embodiment of his world-disrupting technologies!

The only side effect is that I’ve completely forgotten how to drive. But it’s no worry. Neuralink says a self-driving software update is just around the corner. My neighbors will be able to hail me like an Uber. 

Highly recommend!

~Michael Maiello

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