Worst Features of Twitter Alternatives

Capycabra: leaves teeth marks on most Android devices 

Blathr: upvotes/downvotes replaced by varying degrees of bemused indifference 

DogSlug: all user avatars must be screenshots from episodes of Banacek 

Plinkaux: one-character post limit (two with a Premium subscription) 

Awwwwl: notifications restricted to when the app is disappointed in you 

Debyt: second step of two-step authentication process involves forwarding your info to David Crosby to see if you “seem cool” 

SpekULum: moderators given to inserting the word “felch” into posts at random 

AloofSocial: due to rights issues, only photo filters available are Fungal Infection and Bell’s Palsy 

LaBeouf: calls for racial extermination must be “worded politely” 

Chaf’d: vulnerable to bots spreading misleading cat videos and fraudulent recipes 

Dnxlp: 75% of registered users are Three Dog Night parody accounts 

Guh: only available on rotary phones 

~William Ham

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on email