How to be a cool girl.

STEP 1: Go to your nearest thrift or second-hand store.

STEP 2: Enter the store and find the lingerie/sleepwear section.

STEP 3: Purchase the most questionable pair of panties available.

STEP 4: Wear the panties until you feel you have contracted an insufferable STI.

STEP 5: Burn the panties. End the cycle of evil.

STEP 6: Go about your regular life and do not refrain from squirming, itching, or most importantly, complaining. Complain to anyone who will listen. Complain, complain, complain. Say “Ouchie! My vag really burns from this bad case of Crabs I have.” This will make everyone around you believe that you bang like crazy. Congratulations, nympho! You’re finally cool!!

If you are unsatisfied with your results, follow Steps 1 through 6 again.

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