251 interview, alone.

I’ve always wanted to be a movie star. One of the main rigors of A-List life is press interviews. Foolishly, no one has yet sought to interview me, so I thought I’d practice on my own.

Annabel: Thank you for meeting me.

Annabel: No.

That wasn’t a question.

Well, you sounded sort of unsure of yourself.

I wasn’t.


I’m very confident.

Ha. Maybe you’re the ego and I’m the id.

For the last time, you are not a physical representation of my multidimensionality.

That’s not what I told my tax lawyer.

Who’s the super-ego, then?

That guy.

Hi guys! How’s it going?

Get out of here.

Yeah, scram!

How do you think your childhood impacted your body of work?

I don’t have a body of work. It’s more like a couple of fingers. Maybe some dandruff.

You’re very evasive. Does that stem from your childhood?

I’m not evasive.

Okay, but you seem antagonistic toward me.

As if I’m battling this version of myself.

Please stop trying to find meaning in this bit. If you could be a Power Ranger, what Power Ranger would you be?

I don’t know. Blue?

[Laughs] No, but seriously.

I like blue. Is that wrong? Are you writing this down?

No. Can you spell your name for me?


No, your last name.


Got it. How many gods do you believe in?

Two to seven.

Thank you for your time.


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