Finally getting around to answering fan mail.

Dear Rusty,  

Loved the drawings!   I tried to post them on my social, but apparently, they violate some regulations.  I guess not everybody has the same taste in art.    

Dear Jody,  

I love you, too!  Just not in the specific ways described in your manifesto.  That diagram on page 60 seems like it might be particularly uncomfortable for both of us!  Good luck with that harness idea, though.  

Dear Roxy,  

So that was you who leapt out from between my garbage cans this summer!  Excellent detective work finding my home address.  Goes to show you that, as you repeatedly mention, “people are capable of horrifying things when pushed to the edge.”  Unfortunately, because I am allergic to white powder, I couldn’t eat the cookies you sent.  They look scrumptious, though!  

Dear Serpent of Unholy Blessings,  

Loved your poems.  Unfortunately, nothing materialized at the end of the seventh repeated verse, per your instructions.  Promise I’ll keep trying!  

Dear Crustblade,  

No, I don’t dwell outside of time, but when I’m waiting at the DMV, it sometimes sure feels like it!  The sketch of my skull you sent will go great with the Love Is cartoons on my fridge.  

Dear M. Thorax,  

Sorry, but many of your cut-and-paste magazine letters came unglued and scattered to the bottom of the envelope.  In answer to the one question I was able to decipher, no, I don’t think you sent enough rolls of painter’s tape to “completely mummify me.”  I will give it a try, though.   

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