Government websites that would actually be helpful.

HowtoEatShrimpWithoutLookingStupid.gov

IsMyLasagnaBurning.gov

Here’sACheckFor2,000Dollars.gov

IsMyUncleANazi.gov

WhyDoPenguinsWalkLikeThat.gov

IThinkThere’sAGhostInMyShower.gov

HowToGetOffACatsShitList.gov

DidICommitTaxEvasionbyAccident.IRS.gov

Wizards.gov

BirthdayPresentForMom.gov

ClayAikenAlive?.gov

JustTellMeHowMuchIOweTheGovernment.gov

IsThatRaccoonWalkingTowardsMeOnItsHindLegs
FrothingAtTheMouthJustHappyToSeeMe.gov

DoPenguinsEatPeople.gov

GoodHealthCareNotAPrank.gov

DidILeavetheOvenOn.gov

MyFeetSmellSoBadYouCanHearThemInTheOtherRoom.gov

HowToBurpYourself.gov

FreeNewYorkerToteBags.gov

Haven’tFlossedInSixYearsWillIDie?.gov

OneMoreQuestionAboutPenguins.gov

Bobbie Armstrong

Bobbie Armstrong is a former child. Her writing has appeared on McSweeney’s, Weekly Humorist, Defenestration Magazine, and more. Follow her existential crisis @not_bobbi.

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