The unthinkable has happened. You’ve followed someone you think is cool online — and 12 minutes later, they still haven’t followed you back. Fear not: there are some concrete steps you can take to manage your rightful anguish.
Hide under some concrete steps.
There’s no service down there, so you could live in blissful ignorance about whether or not you’ve been followed back.
Unfollow them, then follow them again to make sure they saw the notification.
Repeat as necessary. Then, once you’ve done it a necessary number of times, do it many more times.
Take a break from your phone.
This will impress them and likely earn you a follow-back.
Wait until you become famous and then follow them, Zuckerberg-style.
Remember that scene in The Social Network when Mark Zuckerberg added that woman he dated in college on Facebook after becoming a billionaire? Play the long game so you can make this extremely normal power move!
Delete all social media and assume a new identity.
Then see if they follow that person back!
Accept that it’s unreasonable to expect everyone to like you.
But it’s not unreasonable to expect everyone to pretend to like you! So why haven’t they followed you back???
Maybe they’re dead?
Honestly possible, and it would make a whole lot more sense than the current situation.
Why didn’t you get an invite to the funeral?
Ugh, shit. The ultimate snub. Well, they’re not getting invited to your funeral, that’s for sure!