You can never return home again. People who now own the home get really pissed.
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Paul Lander is a TV comedy writer, award-winning columnist and producer. His humor pieces have appeared in MAD, American Bystander, Weekly Humorist, McSweeneys, Two Fifty One, National Lampoon, Little Old Lady Blog, Humor Times, Humor Outcasts, Politipod, and more. He’s written stand-up material that’s been performed on The Daily Show, Real Time, Conan, David Letterman: The Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize and The DL Hughley Show.