Roll 1d10 and consult this table:
- Show up to a group hang with a bag of dice. Gaslight your friends into thinking they asked you to play.
- Conspire with another friend to invite them to an orgy. Pretending to be an elf will seem more appealing by comparison.
- Cause a gas leak in their homes so they have to stay with you. Unfortunately, you’ll have to share a bed and your chronic sleep terrors will keep them up all night. The terrors are only quelled by the sweet sounds of rolling dice.
- Cast them in Stranger Things.
- Become a high-profile serial killer. Create a cipher that can only be cracked using esoteric D&D knowledge. Note: this option is most viable if your friends are homicide detectives.
- Start a cult whose world-ending gods can only be placated by playing D&D.
- Secretly purchase hundreds of dollars of dice, books, and miniatures using their credit cards. Ensure the purchases are nonrefundable and they’ll feel compelled to use them.
- Disguised as the grim reaper, convince them they must save their souls by beating you in a D&D game. Little do they know, everyone wins in D&D, so they’ll be forced to play forever.
- Just ask them! The worst they can do is say “no.”
- Invite your friends on a boat journey. “Accidentally” steer into a typhoon. Become stranded on a desert island for six months with nothing to occupy your time but the conveniently packed multicolored dice.