Arby’s: we don’t have The Meats because someone took them.

Look, I’m just as baffled as you are. I don’t know who did this, but one second we had the meats and the next we didn’t and that doesn’t just happen. You don’t go from having the meats to not having them like that. I always keep a good eye on the meats. Without pointing fingers or anything, someone had to have taken them. Someone woke up and said “today I’m taking the meats.” Because we would never lose the meats. And I didn’t misplace them; I checked my purse. I even retraced my steps and we had the meats all the way up until we didn’t. I don’t know what the motivation was (perhaps intense envy of our collection), but it’s not funny you guys, c’mon. We kind of rely on the meats. Our whole thing is that we got them. What are we supposed to do without the meats, just give out bread and cheese? Do you know how pathetic that would be? Our entire reputation is at stake. We are nothing without the meats.* Please, just give us the meats back. If it helps, we won’t be mad. We just need the meats.

*In hindsight, sure, maybe we shouldn’t have centered our entire brand around always having the meats, but we had no reason to believe we would ever be without them.

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