After a long bidding war, exclusive publishing rights to the good book were recently scooped up by the Coca-Cola corporation. While this means that the text is no longer in the public domain, the company has kindly released the following excerpts of their latest translation.
JOHN 3:16
For God so loved the world, he gave his only begotten son, who must have beengettin’ some Coca-Cola, for whoever believeth in him shall not parch.
PSALMS 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil—and no calories, for thou art with me. Thy aspartame and water comfort me.
MATTHEW 6:24
No man can serve two masters, for either he will hate one and love the others; or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. Ye cannot serve both Coke and Pepsi in the same restaurant.